My New Man, Jason

With everything I have been through in my life, I didn’t think there was such a thing as a good guy. Every guy in my life has hurt me in some way in another. For the first time, I have met someone who treats me like a princess. He tells me everyday that he loves me, that I am perfect for him. I find it hard to beleive. LOL When you spend your whole life being treated like crap by guys, it seems kind of weird to meet a good guy for once.

He is such a great guy. I am moving to Portland and will be with him soon. He is the love of my life. 🙂

I am such a bad blog writer. Now that I have to find a computer, I haven’t been writing as much!! Got some good news though.. I am returning to college in summer term!!!!

Moving!

A week and a half ago, I found out that the sober house that I was living in is closing down. I had until March 1 to find a new place. I found a really cute little studio and will be moving tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, this means that I will lose my internet. It was included in the rent at the sober house. However, I am close to the library and will try to check in and write more from there.

Also on January 25, I am having the surgery I wrote about earlier. Luckily, it is just a day surgery. Hopefully, I will be back on track after a couple of days.

Thanks so much for reading my blog.

My Biggest Dream

What is every girl’s  dream when they are younger? To have a fairytale wedding, big house with kids. Well I had the fairytale wedding to the wrong man. I found the strength to divorce him 2 years ago. Now though, my biggest dream is coming to an end on January 25.

For as long as I could remember,  I have always had female problems. In 2002, I lost one ovary due to polycystic ovarian syndrome. On January 25, I will lose the other one.

I am having an extremely hard time. As most know, women only have two ovaries. Now I will have none, and my dream of becoming a mother is ending. I didn’t make the decision lightly.

As many know, I have a huge pain pill addiction. Well, when I get ovarian cysts, I am almost always put on some pain pill. I have done birth control, and have been on the shot since April. However, since Feb. of this year, I have had over 30 cysts. Since August, they don’t even come in a cycle. I have them all the time.

So I asked a specialist how can i prevent cysts 100%. He said the only way is to remove the other ovary. I prayed, discussed and researched what removing my last ovary would mean. I came to the conclusion, that I will not be able to completely overcome my pain pill addiction when I have ovarian cysts.

I made the decision that yeah, I will have to use pain medication for a couple day after the surgery, but after that I shouldn’t have anymore cysts. It was a hard decision and one that sometimes I do doubt. However, my recovery from addicition is more important to me than having children. How bad is that? What does that say about me? I don’t know. Maybe I’m selfish, but at least I know what I want.

So, please comment and tell me what you think aout this.

My Letter to Santa and My Heavenly Father

Dear Santa and Heavenly Father,

Even though I am an adult, two years ago you gave me my Christmas wish. I am writing you this year to thank you for the special gift of life you gave to my mom. You see, in 2003, my mom was given a terminal diagnosis. For the next 6 years, she would live a painful and hard life on oxygen. Then in 2009, we were given some hope. My mom was just strong enough to be put on the lung transplant list.

Even though I was in prison, I wished that my mom would live long enough to get the double lung transplant that she so badly needed. I knew by making this wish, I was wishing for someone to die. However, I was being very selfish. I knew that I was part of the reason my mom was so sick. See, I wasn’t able to stay away from the drugs. From the stress that I caused her, I am sure it sped up the illness, and made it difficult for her to recover.

Tomorrow, my mom will celebrate her new birthday. On December 6, 2009, my mom was given another chance at life. Even though she had her struggles with the recovery, today she is a wonderful and beautiful person. Not only did you give her another chance, you also gave me another chance.

I love my mom so much. She is such a wonderful mom, and grandma. So this year I want to thank you for my mom. My only wish  this year is that everyone may live their life to the fullest. And thank you to the family of the person who gave my mom her second chance.

With Lots of Love,

Audra D. Maxwell

 

Happy Thanksgiving

For the first time in a few years, I get to spend Thanksgving with my family. I am so excited. I hope everyone has a great and Happy Thanksgiving. I will be out of town until Sunday!!!! I will try to add a couple of notes while I am gone. 🙂

My Perfect World

In my perfect world, there is always something for someone to do. I know it sounds kind of corny, but there would be peanut butter and jelly growing on trees, just because that is my favorite thing in the world. Just about any kind of jelly but orange marmalade.

My world is high tech. There would be robots that would do everything you and I wouldn’t want to do. When the robots start to get smarter than me, well, them time to shut them down. After all we cannot have robots smarter than us. I’ll just have a more stupid robot remade.

Wouldn’t it be cool to have a care like Kit, from Knight Rider. I would be able to travel across the country. When I get tired, ACE, would just take over. ACE is Audra’s Computer Experiment.

Although, I could imagine getting in fights with the computers. It would be funny to tell the computer I wanted  a Pepsi, and then get a 7-Up instead. i wonder which would win the shouting match, me or ACE. See ACE isn’t just for your car, its operational in the house as well. Oh boy, better hurry this story along. I am sounding like a walking advertisement. 🙂

The yelling matches between us and the computer would kind of remind me of the old beer commercials. “LESS FILLING, LESS TASTE.” I can just imagine me yelling, “I want a Pepsi.” And ACE yelling back, “7-Up is just as good.”

The Encounter

The night smelled like a frigid, cold front was coming. That was what she though as she readies herself. She never thought of the weather smelled. Today, though, she wanted to remember everything. The news said there was a storm coming. She hoped they were wrong. She wanted everything to be perfect tonight.

She finished putting her makeup on. Not too much, just a little blusher and mascara. Her hands kept shaking and she tried so hard to quit. Then she decided on what to wear. Should she wear pants, shorts, a skirt or a dress. She discarded the idea of shorts, way too cold. Well, too cold for a skirt or a dress. So pants, hmmm. Dressy or jeans. She picked out a nice pair of black, dressy jeans. She grabbed her baby blue Angora sweater. She wanted to look perfect when she saw him for for the first time. Her father! The first time ever seeing her dad.

She had so many questions for him. Where was he on her first day of school? Where was he on her birthday? Had he thought of her on any of her 34 Christmases. Did he care that at the age of 10, her mom’s boyfriend hurt her? That man had beat her so bad there wasn’t a spot on her body that wasn’t black and blue.

So many questions floated through her mind, as she locked her front door and went to the driver’s side of her car. As she pulled out of her driveway, she said a prayer, “Please God, let this meeting answer all my questions. Let this be the meeting you mean for it to be.”

The Graduate’s Speech

The young man smiled at the crowd that had gathered at his medical school graduation. Before he began his speech, he took a second to look back over the past 10 years. In spite of everything, he was here. He had made it. Now he was the valedictorian of Harvard Medical School, class of 2010.

He began his speech by thanking the faculty, students and blah-blah. The he shocked everyone by saying, “I wished I could thank my parents or family but I can’t.” He went on to tell his story. He was abandoned at the K-Mart parking lot in the small Oregon town when he was only 10.

Before he reached the age of 18, he had moved from foster home to foster home. A total of 38 foster homes in all. At 18, he was dropped off at the men’s homeless shelter by his social worker. She left him at the door  with only $500.

“However,” he tells the crowd, “I’m here and I made it. If I can make it through medical school, then so can you. You can put your mind to anything. You can dream as big as you want. Any dream is possible. You HAVE to believe in yourself.”

He took his seat next to the college president. As he looked out, there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd. To himself he thinks, “Life is so good to me. Thank you, Heavenly Father.”

Forgive and Forget

You and I really have a lot in common. The thing about you and I is we just don’t seem to be able to trust one another. You scare me. It seems that you expect me to take a leap of faith. I tried that once. You hurt me in a way that shattered my heart. You say you want me to forgive you. It seems forgiveness is easy. Forgetting, well that’s just not as easy. I wished I could put my trust back in you. It’s just so hard. How do we get past that?