Monthly Archives: December 2011

My Biggest Dream

What is every girl’s  dream when they are younger? To have a fairytale wedding, big house with kids. Well I had the fairytale wedding to the wrong man. I found the strength to divorce him 2 years ago. Now though, my biggest dream is coming to an end on January 25.

For as long as I could remember,  I have always had female problems. In 2002, I lost one ovary due to polycystic ovarian syndrome. On January 25, I will lose the other one.

I am having an extremely hard time. As most know, women only have two ovaries. Now I will have none, and my dream of becoming a mother is ending. I didn’t make the decision lightly.

As many know, I have a huge pain pill addiction. Well, when I get ovarian cysts, I am almost always put on some pain pill. I have done birth control, and have been on the shot since April. However, since Feb. of this year, I have had over 30 cysts. Since August, they don’t even come in a cycle. I have them all the time.

So I asked a specialist how can i prevent cysts 100%. He said the only way is to remove the other ovary. I prayed, discussed and researched what removing my last ovary would mean. I came to the conclusion, that I will not be able to completely overcome my pain pill addiction when I have ovarian cysts.

I made the decision that yeah, I will have to use pain medication for a couple day after the surgery, but after that I shouldn’t have anymore cysts. It was a hard decision and one that sometimes I do doubt. However, my recovery from addicition is more important to me than having children. How bad is that? What does that say about me? I don’t know. Maybe I’m selfish, but at least I know what I want.

So, please comment and tell me what you think aout this.


My Letter to Santa and My Heavenly Father

Dear Santa and Heavenly Father,

Even though I am an adult, two years ago you gave me my Christmas wish. I am writing you this year to thank you for the special gift of life you gave to my mom. You see, in 2003, my mom was given a terminal diagnosis. For the next 6 years, she would live a painful and hard life on oxygen. Then in 2009, we were given some hope. My mom was just strong enough to be put on the lung transplant list.

Even though I was in prison, I wished that my mom would live long enough to get the double lung transplant that she so badly needed. I knew by making this wish, I was wishing for someone to die. However, I was being very selfish. I knew that I was part of the reason my mom was so sick. See, I wasn’t able to stay away from the drugs. From the stress that I caused her, I am sure it sped up the illness, and made it difficult for her to recover.

Tomorrow, my mom will celebrate her new birthday. On December 6, 2009, my mom was given another chance at life. Even though she had her struggles with the recovery, today she is a wonderful and beautiful person. Not only did you give her another chance, you also gave me another chance.

I love my mom so much. She is such a wonderful mom, and grandma. So this year I want to thank you for my mom. My only wish  this year is that everyone may live their life to the fullest. And thank you to the family of the person who gave my mom her second chance.

With Lots of Love,

Audra D. Maxwell