My Biggest Dream

What is every girl’s  dream when they are younger? To have a fairytale wedding, big house with kids. Well I had the fairytale wedding to the wrong man. I found the strength to divorce him 2 years ago. Now though, my biggest dream is coming to an end on January 25.

For as long as I could remember,  I have always had female problems. In 2002, I lost one ovary due to polycystic ovarian syndrome. On January 25, I will lose the other one.

I am having an extremely hard time. As most know, women only have two ovaries. Now I will have none, and my dream of becoming a mother is ending. I didn’t make the decision lightly.

As many know, I have a huge pain pill addiction. Well, when I get ovarian cysts, I am almost always put on some pain pill. I have done birth control, and have been on the shot since April. However, since Feb. of this year, I have had over 30 cysts. Since August, they don’t even come in a cycle. I have them all the time.

So I asked a specialist how can i prevent cysts 100%. He said the only way is to remove the other ovary. I prayed, discussed and researched what removing my last ovary would mean. I came to the conclusion, that I will not be able to completely overcome my pain pill addiction when I have ovarian cysts.

I made the decision that yeah, I will have to use pain medication for a couple day after the surgery, but after that I shouldn’t have anymore cysts. It was a hard decision and one that sometimes I do doubt. However, my recovery from addicition is more important to me than having children. How bad is that? What does that say about me? I don’t know. Maybe I’m selfish, but at least I know what I want.

So, please comment and tell me what you think aout this.

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